Checklist for Finding Your Ideal Partner

It's kind of like when we are hungry & we go to the grocery store without a list. We usually end up buying all sorts of junk food that's quick & easy, but stuff that we really don't want. But in that moment we are hungry & we don't have our grocery list so we grab whatever we see even though it doesn't satisfy our hunger & leaves us feeling guilty.

Same way when we are emotionally hungry & we don't have a list of things we would want in our ideal mate or things that would be a deal-breaker for us, we will choose men or women that don't really satisfy us emotionally, physically, or intellectually. We end up wasting our time & energy on people that were never compatible with us from the get go. In order to avoid all the fuss, drama & regret, consider the list-of-things-to-consider-in-an-ideal-partner below.

1. Physical Characteristics:

Some of us have a "type", when it comes to physical attributes that we want in our ideal mate. We certainly have a right to a preference. Things to consider in a partner when we think about physical attributes:
Height - do we want our partner to be taller or shorter or the same height as us?
Hair - some of us prefer long hair, others like short hair. We may prefer curly or straight. Some of us have a preference when it comes to the colour of hair, we may not like someone who dyes their hair or may prefer blonde over brunette or for some reason find red heads sexier in comparison to the rest.
Skin - we may have a preference for a certain skin colour or it might be a deal-breaker for us to have an albino partner or we may find that we love freckled skin.
Eyes - we may have a preference for a specific eye colour or shape. We might want someone with super long lashes or it might be something we find creepy.
Build - we may prefer a more muscular partner over skinny or we may want some one who is a little bit softer all around.

2. Personality Traits:

This is a big one because to some of us personality means everything. So having a list of personality traits that we would definitely want in our mate or things that we absolutely can not stand is always a good way to start. Draw on the memory of past relationships with ex boyfriends or girlfriends or even friends in general in order to recall, which personality traits attract us the most & which ticked us off. Some things to consider are: introverted vs extroverted, practical vs dreamer. We may prefer a partner with a sense of humour, emotional openness, or candidness. Some things that may be a deal breaker for us: sensitivity, seriousness, or unreliability. 

3. Beliefs, Values and Religion:

Often times we brush these aside but in the long run these are actually very important. Our values beliefs, attitudes towards world & politics & religion whether you believe in a specific one or don't believe in one at all, are very important to us. These are then things we pass down to our children. Therefore it's very important that our partner has the same beliefs & values as us, especially if we plan to have children. 

4. Children:

We need to ask ourselves, do we want to have children in the future? Whether the answer is yes or no, we would want our partner to have the same answer. 

Their Children: If they have children from a previous relationship. For some of us it may be a deal-breaker. If it's not a deal-breaker we need to consider the impact that may have on our lifestyle & if that's something that would make us happy.

Our Children: If we have children, we need to consider our partner's relationship with them & their approach to childrearing. Is it similar to ours? If not, are they willing to compromise? Would our partner be willing to look the other way & allow us to raise our children as we prefer or would there be conflicts?

Consider the same questions in regards to the way we'd relate to their children if they have any.

5. Financial Stability:

Consider factors like their career, income & educational level. These things are important to consider when projecting what we want our life to look like. Don't overlook these things just because they aren't "romantic" to think about. For some of us these things may not matter but we still need to consider them to rule out their importance.

6. Hobbies & Habits:

Does we have things in common. Common interests & hobbies can be very beneficial for long term relationships. This way we will have stuff to do together & will always have something to talk about. Another thing to consider is knowing our partner's habits. Do they do something that annoys the hell out of us? Are they willing to give it up or will we be able to tolerate that for the rest of our life? Think!

Non-Negotiable Needs:

We've drawn a sketch of our ideal partner with which to work. Now list the areas in which we are unwilling to compromise. Some areas to think about may include religion, political affiliation, whether to have children, a certain level of fitness, similar values, & emotional or financial stability. The ability to be monogamous or to satisfy you sexually. Draw on the memory of past relationships to recall areas of conflict that arose as a result of an important need that was not satisfied.

Non-Essential Needs:

Are our expectations realistic? Examine the non-negotiable needs. Determine if we would compromise on any of them. Is it really non-negotiable that they be the right astrological sign or have a specific hair color? The more things on the non-negotiable list of qualifications, the more difficult it will be to satisfy them all. Eliminate all but the essential ones. If our expectations are high, consider realistically assessing what we have to offer. In addition, if we have always felt self-conscious about some aspect of ourselves, now is the time either to accept it & learn to love ourselves as we are or else take steps to improve or change it.

Tip: When you know what you want, you're more likely to get it. If you don't know what you want, you may end up with anyone and any kind of relationship. It is not unreasonable to expect 80 percent of your needs to be satisfied in a relationship. But you must know what they are. Once you set goals you are half-way to achieving it. But many people get sidetracked and lose sight of their goals. It’s important to review them occasionally, especially when you meet a person who is totally tempting but totally wrong.

Article Contributor: A.W

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